Insecurity and lack of self-esteem often attack us women more often than men. We too often compare ourselves with one another. Then envy, jealousy, discontentment, and feelings of guilt, shame, frustration and failure overwhelm us. We become an open target by allowing this bondage to play havoc in our mind. These thoughts do not come from our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and must be replaced with truth.
It doesn’t matter what our age is; it seems to be a universal problem we women have to all fight against no matter what age we are. We never seem to outgrow this problem.
Comparing ourselves to others and always needing approval is unhealthy. I have been in this battle recently and have had to work through it once again, and I am how old? I had three different instances that overwhelmed me with feeling terribly insecure and that I was just not good enough. I did not see it coming ahead of time. But it walloped me a few weeks ago, and I once again had to fill my mind with God’s truth and dig into His word for reassurances to come out a winner in the enemy’s battle for my feelings of self-worth and self esteem.
Truth: The path and order of Romans 8:28, “working everything out for my good” runs through a different route for me than anyone else’s. But I often look at others and envy something about their life’s situation over mine in comparison. That is a sticky trap used by the enemy to make us forget that our identity is in Christ and Christ alone. He wants to distract us from keeping steadfast and firm in the assurance of God’s all-encompassing love and acceptance of us.
Facebook has created a whole new arena Satan uses for attacking us women in this area of needing approval and needing to feel worthy, lovable, capable, desirable, forgivable, and significant. When women post a picture of a gathering of close friends, do you wonder why you were not invited? I have. Was I just overlooked? I rarely post a picture of going to lunch with a friend for that very reason on Facebook. I don’t ever want to hurt someone that may feel left out and wonder why they were not included.
1 John 3:1-2 tells us: “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are . . . Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is.”
My grandfather, on my mother’s side, had three different men in his family that committed suicide. Grandpa Helmers had a brother, named Hyho, that hung himself in his barn and died. I have been told it was over a decision he greatly regretted. Then Hyho’s son Irvin, so mourned over his father’s sudden death, he shot himself. Insecurity, and feelings of failure and worthlessness, so poisoned these men’s minds.
In the 1990’s a third relative, who was only in his late twenty’s or thirty’s, took his life due to an overwhelming financial crisis. He just didn’t know how to fix it so he killed himself. He left his wife and young children to carry on life without him. His life insurance policy did not pay out benefits because suicide was the cause of death.
Each of these men ended their lives abruptly due to life seeming to be just too hard. They had to be comparing themselves with other men to have such strong feelings of inadequacies and hopelessness. I wonder what or who could have prevented them from such a tragic outcome? Their personal sense of worthlessness cut their life short.
Sometimes we women just need for another woman to listen to what is on our heart, hug us, smile, and give us reassurance that yes, we are a lovely person from the inside out. We need a buddy strap telling us we are ok and likable. Again, those “apples of gold” words God uses to turn our minds around and shake off feelings of failure are priceless. Sometimes we just need to express our feelings to another female and get it all out. But that isn’t enough or the lasting solution. We need to renew our minds with Psalm 139 and many other great verses that express our inheritance of salvation in Christ. That is our true identity.
Ask God to help you to be of benefit to someone today. Look for another woman in need of encouraging words she needs to hear just from you, so you can add a blessing to her day. Focus on outward ways of showing brotherly affection and love by writing a kind note, text, email, or by some gesture of service to a friend in some way. A bouquet of flowers brings a smile, adds cheer to a room, and shows appreciation.
Here are a few verses to remember and have handy to combat insecurity:
Ephesians 6:16—17: “In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one, and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”
Wrong thinking: I don’t know what to do? Right thinking: Psalm 119:24 “Your testimonies are my delight, they are my counselors.”
Wrong thinking: I just want to give up. I am a total failure. Right thinking: 1 Corinthians 16:13 “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.”
Wrong thinking: I can’t do things like _____ can. I am afraid I didn’t do it good enough. Right thinking: Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Wrong thinking: I have no self-confidence that I can do anything right. I blew it again! Right thinking: Hebrews 10:35-36 “Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what is promised.”
Wrong thinking: Bad things always seem to happen to me. Right thinking: Psalm 27: 13 “I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living!”
Reboot your mind with the truths of God’s word. Be transformed from wrong thinking to right thinking by renewing your mind with the fact that you are justified and redeemed in Christ as it declares in Romans 3:24: “And are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.”
John 15:15b-16a “. . . but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit . . .” Jesus calls me His friend!
Identify this problem of comparison and insecurity as a stronghold from the enemy.
Confess to God of going backward in your walk with Him. Tell Him you don’t want to cooperate with that anymore. Praise God for everything He has given you and done for you already because thanksgiving activates peace and corrects our wrong thought patterns in our brain.
Apply God’s truth with an ongoing action. Pray Hebrews 11:6b: “. . . he rewards those who seek him.” Ask God to reward you in some way.
Colossians 2:10: “And (put your name in the blank)______________ has been filled in him, who is the head of all rule and authority.”
Romans 8:31: “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for (put your name in this blank) _____________, who can be against (put your name again in this blank)_________.”
John 15:7: “If (put your name in the blank)___________, abide in me, and my words abide in (put your name in the blank) __________, ask whatever (put your name in the blank) __________, you wish, and it will be done for you.”
Philippians 4:19: “And my God will supply every need of yours (fill in your name) __________, according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”
It says in Psalm 119:3b (NASB): “. . . And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold O LORD, You know it all.”
The enemy will try to deceive us into believing we are not likable enough, not cute enough, not smart enough, not experienced enough, not worthy of much, or not truly forgiven. These are all lies. Instead of complaining and comparing ourselves against one another, praise God for the talents and gifts He has given you and ask Him to further reveal to you what they are. Ask God to exalt you at His appointed time.
Prayer is our weapon in action. Our sword is the Bible.
Reboot your mind with Colossians 3:2-3: “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.” This verse is the theme of my women’s devotional book, “Developing a Heavenly Mind Control. Devotional Thoughts to Reboot Our Minds with Truth.”
My prayer: God forgive me for not being more thankful for what You have given and done for me. Thank You for loving me. Thank You for your abundant patience with me and forgiveness. Use whatever talents and gifts You have given me for Your glory and benefit. Use me to be a blessing to someone in need today. I deeply desire what Ephesians 3:19 says: “And to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you ( I- Linda) may be filled with all the fullness of God.” Amen.
So the three instances that lampooned my feelings of self-worth and caused me to feel total rejection a few weeks ago? Not any of them matter now.
Next time, when you compare yourself to some other woman that appears to have it all together and you don’t: Remember, their grass is not always greener.